By Vera Marion
The glamour, the allure, the sophistication, the Cinderella wedding is always what every girl dreams of when they eventually take the leap from spinsterhood to married life. Girls and women all have notions of how they would want their marriage to be like. The concept has further been compounded by the many shows on all matters wedding that we have on our TV channels. Talk of the theme color, the flower type, the arrangement, the decor, the shoes, the dresses, the drinks (read champagne), the bridesmaids and the grooms men, not forgetting wanting your wedding to be the most memorable and the one that is most talked about (people will talk about it anyway, and they will not talk about how beautiful your gown was but they will talk about how the rice was not well cooked and how some of the guests scrambled for a piece of cake and how the imported gown, did not fit you well…ouch!).
That aside, before your ‘dream wedding’ you will scroll through your phone for all your contacts and force some of them to be in your committee to finance the ‘talk of the town wedding’. Whoever brought up the issue of a wedding committee? What are the roles and the purpose of those who are in the committee? Most often, these unlucky few, will be forced to cough money after every meeting just to meet the needs of the ones who are going to get married.
And nothing ever comes cheap for those who are going to get married. The car to be used has to be a ‘mean machine’, one that the boys will ogle at. The gown has to be imported and emphasized that indeed it was imported.
Back to the committee members, their role is not to finance your wedding. Their role is to support. You have everything that you need, all you need from them is to ensure that everything is up and running. If you want a venue, depending on your preference, they go out and find several that fit your description and you select the best, depending on your budget. If for the cake, you state your ideal cake flavor, they suggest several names and you select one that you know will do then you fork out the cash for the deposit and so on.
We have made the committee members in a wedding the ‘extra financiers’ of our deficit budget and sometimes insist on making them do things that they had never planned for. Your friends, who more often than not are part of the committee, are supposed to give you a token depending on how philanthropic they feel. It is not about you forcing them to give out money and giving them deadline because the caterer wants a down payment and you don’t have that money. Or the baker cannot start baking because you also haven’t paid a deposit for the cake and so on.
Sisters especially, if you know you want to get married, start planning and saving early for it and stop disturbing your friends to contribute money for you so that you can have a wedding that you saw in some TV show or heard about and you want to go to some out of the world place for your honeymoon, yet some of the committee members cannot even afford to be local tourists.
Would a wedding go wrong, if the caterers were relatives from both sides who have come together and suddenly decided to cook? Would a wedding go wrong if the bride goes to a local shop and buys a gown from there? Would a wedding go wrong if you have a friend who does nice cakes and bakes one (or several) for you and your guests (you must pay her or him of course)? Would a wedding go wrong if for your honeymoon you decide to go somewhere local? Would a wedding go wrong if you borrowed your dad’s car so that you could use it during the wedding instead of hiring one? Would a wedding go wrong if you became creative for the photo-shoot session instead of hiring a ground for such a purpose? Would a wedding go wrong if we stopped demanding anything from the committee members who were forcefully picked? Would a wedding go wrong if we stopped fantasizing and became realistic when we do the organization of our weddings?
Granted, we are all allowed to dream, but do not let other people finance your dream wedding as you give out orders and nasty remarks just because Jane didn’t give out the first pledge of 20, 000 shillings or Jeff had the decency to suggest that you use his car instead to cut the cost.
To those who want to get married, start saving now, like the Retirement and Benefit Authority advert aptly puts it, saving as little as 20 bob can go a long way. So women (and men of course), be wise and start saving right now and your wedding will be the talk of the town (Isn’t that what all girls want?) because you did not demand money from anyone and you will be an example to future wedding planners.
By the way, do men have dream weddings?