November 23, 2017

Tired of giving money to people? Here is how you can say ‘NO’

You should always be firm when saying ‘no,’ to a family member or friend and avoid rudeness.

Many individuals face the challenge of how to turn down a request for cash in a polite way.

It is very difficult for some of us to turn down requests from a favourite charity, alumni association and mostly friends or family, hence resorting to the art of hanging up the phone when a telemarketer makes a call. Here are the techniques you can try for those who have been struggling with the word ‘no’ with fear of angering or hurting somebody.

Keep it short. Some of us may feel that they have to give an explanation why they are saying no to family or friend when they make a request. A lengthy explanation is not needed as a rule.

An online advice columnist April Masini, at AskApril.com says, “You don’t need to explain or feel guilty, which is the motivation for long explanations that lead to engagement, and the unintended message that your arm can be twisted into making that gift or donation or loan.” Also says “Terse is clear. Rambling, circular responses are not.”

Be polite. It’s not difficult for a nervous person to say no. what the person has to keep in mind is that he/she should not make the person requesting for s loan feel bad.

Masini says, “They just asked you for money, not a kidney or a sperm donation. Keep your perspective.”

It is always a big deal for the person who you know well to ask you for money because most likely it was the last thing he/she wanted to do. Keep perspective and be kind when turning down the request to prevent the person from being agonized and humiliated.

Start a foundation. When a person requests for help to pay for a donor sperm insemination procedure or kidney operation and you would be willing to help but you can’t. Starting a foundation if you have deep pockets would be the best idea. ($1 million would be enough to start one as most experts suggest).

Charles Crutchfield, a clinical professor of dermatology at the University Of Minnesota Medical School, did this once and his brother who was an attorney was the source of the information.

Crutchfield says, “Now when people ask for money, I tell them, at the strict direction of my accountant, we have a special foundation that meets twice per year to review such requests. If they would like a detailed application to fill out and submit, we can have the request considered at the next review cycle”. He also continues to say, “This eliminates 90 percent of the requests, and the remaining 10 percent, then can be reviewed and awarded if there is funding left, and they are deemed worthy.”

Know what you can afford to give. Even if you do not have wealth that you could use to start a foundation, it would make sense if you thought like a foundation. Kelley Long, a certified Public accountant in Chicago suggests, “Determine an annual amount that you are willing to give to good causes, both charitable and family and friends”.

By doing this, you will be able to know if you have any cash to give if someone makes a request.

Be firm.  When you have made your mind to say no to someone asking for money, do not make a suggestion or become squishy and say that you might be able to get some money later. You should keep in mind that if the person requesting for money was an organization without shame or feelings, then it will always ask for money later for several times.

When this happens, Masini says, “don’t expect them to suddenly stop”. She gives advice: “Use your caller ID, and don’t pick up calls you don’t want to take. No guilt required.”

Offer advice instead. Make suggestion to a family member or friend about ways they could use to raise or earn money quickly. If they came to you asking money and you couldn’t help but you wished you could, this is the best option to take. You might discourage or bore the person requesting for money, but at least this shows that you care……. It is not worth giving up any cash that is cold hard-earned.

Offer time. When political parties, alumni associations or Charity request for money, making an offer of volunteering to the organization are the best decision. Tell them that you will be glad to make phone calls the same way they did, but you don’t want to donate money.

Always give your time to family members or friends instead. You can watch their kids or clean their house when they go for a job interview.

Requesting for your time, would a big deal too, because your child’s school, local animal shelter, family members, friends and church are always asking for your time. You tell the church, family member or PTA that you are tied up somewhere and you could not attend the functions.

To wipe away the guilt, you could offer something else…. You may give them some money.

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