By Gatuiri Kathendu
Whoever said if you want to understand men talk to a man and if you want to understand women talk to a woman was so right. Last Sunday as I shared lunch with some girlfriends and this gentleman, I got to learn a lot.
Out of nowhere, we found ourselves talking about men, why they behave the way they do and those simple basics that we did not know about them. But I must say, this man’s words came in handy. I was refreshed.
Most men look for listeners and understanding. Well probably my lunch-mate did not use these exact words but that’s one of the lessons I picked from our long chat. See, since most men do not go sharing their deep issues and heartaches and failures [unlike women who talk their hearts out anytime and to anyone-whether you are listening or not], they keep these things inside them. And when they pile up, they release them. Now, the biggest worry is on who they release them. If a man is married or in a relationship, the lady is expected to be mostly approachable by the man in his current position. If the lady cannot accommodate the sight of a ‘broken’ man, then the man moves on to a lady who can accommodate and help where she can. And I bet the greatest help that such a man would be needing at that particular time is just a listening ear.
This reminded me of a story about a young lady who was working in a brothel. Many of her workmates were jealous of her because most customers would come and pick her out, all the time such that she had specific customers as time went by.
Then one day a certain lady approached her and asked why she was so comfortable with having every customer pick her and not give a chance to other ladies to enjoy and give the services to her customers.
This lady smiled and since she could read hate and anger in her workmates voice, she remained calm. “My dear, would you believe me if I told you I never have sex with these customers?” she asked.
The other lady was shocked. “Liar! If they all pick you it’s because you are good at it. Why are you lying to me?
“It’s true I never have sex with them. We just talk.”
The other lady laughed. It sounded so unbelievable considering their profession.
“Most of these men are broken. And I give them what they need most-a listening ear.” She ignored her friend and justified her statement.
On this Sunday, this gentleman echoed to me these words [though not verbally]. That men too, break. They too feel lonely. They too feel down and out. And yes; they too need a listening ear. And if they can get it from their better halves, the better.