May 24, 2019

Dear Confused Woman, Wake Up

By Vera Marion

Most newspaper articles and to some extent magazines written by female writers are always awash with ‘men-haters’. Why men do or don’t do one thing or the other. Why Kenyan men are not romantic. Why Kenyan men are not…and the list goes on and on and on about how horrible men are. Some have even epitomized the men as monsters. But, hold it there; can we give these men some peace please?
Women, girls, ladies…anyone known as a female, this goes out to you.
Let us give our men the due that they deserve. We talk of equality yet in other aspects we think like the stone-age ancestors. We talk of the independent woman, yet the independence that we so brag about borders on laziness. We talk of equality yet we want the man to do everything for us, especially where money is concerned. Where is our stand? Because it sure does look like we are a confused lot. We don’t know what we want.
There are a few simplicities in life and a man is one of them. There needs are basic and very simple. But as women, we have come up with so many issues complicating our lives and that of men. We now want the man to make our dreams and fantasies come true. We have put our standards very high, so high we can’t meet them and yet we expect someone else (read men) to meet them for us.
As a woman, a girl, a lady, let us respect ourselves first and we will earn the respect that we deserve and crave from a man. If as a woman you cannot afford to buy yourself and your friend a vintage bottle of wine, don’t expect a man to fan that fantasy that you have. Tend to your farm well and the man who comes your way will appreciate your efforts and tend the farm with you.
If you can’t afford a house in God knows where. Don’t think that a man will easily plant you in that lavish neighborhood that you crave for. We have these unrealistic dreams that we want men to fulfill yet we can’t fulfill them ourselves.
Nothing comes on a silver platter; and since we aren’t in a position to fulfill our whims and the men whom we expect to fulfill them are not able to, we get aggrieved and end up calling men all sorts of things they are not.
Remember that the man also has obligations to fulfill and you are not the only reason why he is making the kind of money that you want to be lavished upon your Cinderella lifestyle. Make your own money and he will come looking for you and perhaps make even more with you. Make your fantasies a reality and he will come to compliment and implement some of them…taking them to greater levels than you imagined. If you want romance, love yourself first and he will love and treat you like the princess that you are and the princess that you want to be.
But if you sit and wait for a man to do everything for you, you are a loser and the independent woman thing and equality that as women we keep talking about, they are nothing but hogwash. No apologies.

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